The exasperated sighs of parents everywhere signal the seemingly inevitable homework tug-of-wars. Who hasn’t wondered, “Why can’t he just sit down and finish his work?” or “Should I remind him again about the science test?” Leapfrogging over homework hurdles can be especially tricky if you live with one of the kids described below.

Remember that homework hassles are often discipline problems in disguise. Defuse the power struggles by following the cardinal rules of discipline in general: set limits that are reasonable — and stick to them when it’s realistic.

• The Perfectionist
  To a certain extent, perfectionists just can’t help it: “We all have our temperamental predispositions — ways of relating to the world that are biologically linked — and this is one of them,” says Melanie J. Katzman, Ph.D. associate clinical professor of psychology at Weill Cornell Medical School in New York City. “Perfectionism can be a wonderful thing to pass on to your child, so parents shouldn’t feel badly about it. But carried to an extreme, it can become debilitating. Perfectionist kids may anticipate that they will never be able to meet their own high standards, so why bother?” To keep your child from getting gridlocked while doing homework, set a realistic example (by handling your own mistakes with composure) and praise effort, not grades. Read more tips for coping with perfectionism.
• The Procrastinator
  The Procrastinator finds 201 things to do before she actually sits down and starts her homework. Often, she waits until the last minute, then rushes through it. Often, the procrastinator will throw you a bone: she’ll gladly do her homework, as long as you’re right there beside her. That’s okay if you’re willing, and if your child is young — but eventually, she will need to be more independent.

The procrastinator procrastinates for myriad reasons: she may be disorganized or have poor study or planning skills, or she may be anxious or angry about something at home or at school, in which case you need to play detective and talk to her, her teacher, or a school psychologist to determine why. To help, work with your child to set goals she can meet and to come up with a mutually agreeable homework schedule. Read more tips for managing a procrastinator.

Needless to say, if your child is genuinely unable to do the homework, you, in tandem with his teacher or school psychologist, must figure out why and enlist the help he needs. A learning difficulty or anxiety over problems at home may be affecting schoolwork. Or perhaps the work is below his level and he needs more challenging assignments. By addressing homework problems early, you prevent them from mushrooming.

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